ash is good, drunk and asleep. koschei hasn't drunk all that much, mostly because he can't keep the memories away. even though they talked about it, even though ash kept reassuring him, it keeps him awake in the dark more than anything else. every breath ash takes reminds him of how much that day has picked at the black of his brain when he hasn't been looking.

he can't say he was entirely innocent. he remembers what it was like when he had gone into that horrible place, when he'd seen someone who he thought wasn't real who he hadn't known could be changed, could come back again and again. he had seen him and hadn't considered another possibility: only that this wasn't asa, that he had been something horrific and nothing more. it makes everything in him feel ill, uncomfortable now that he knew the complete truth, now that it had finally, truly, caught up to him like this. he had confirmation that he'd killed someone he had loved, had missed out on years and years they could've had together.

in the dark, he doesn't feel entirely comforted by ash's warm, breathing body beside him. he doesn't feel better to be absolved.

no. he feels worse. worse that he had felt something centuries before, had felt for a half a second as he'd felt him die in his arms, that something wasn't right. that for years after sometimes he'd seen it in dreams, that sometimse he had wondered if he was wrong and the confirmation of it all isn't...

koschei sets his jaw in the dark. he decides against sleeping. he doesn't need the dreams. doesn't want them.